Maintaining

I'm not sure how to describe the past couple of weeks. I've hit a very low point in my life. The inability to sit or lie still because of sciatic pain in my leg makes it difficult to read or write, so this post won't be long. I've lost 25 pounds; it's hard to say how much is anxiety, how much is damage to my esophagus from the radiation treatments and how much is aversion to food because it's so hard to swallow. All I can eat comfortably are soft foods, and I have a raging thirst. Water is hard to drink, so I eat a lot of popsicles. I am still so exhausted I have to lie down after I climb a flight of stairs.

Pollyanna moments:

• My book club friends met at my house and did all the setting out and cleaning up in the kitchen. It was a little overwhelming, but it helped to make me feel like I was in the real world.
• When I went out to some medical appointments, I did a little Christmas shopping, moving very slowly, and that, too, made me feel like I was part of the world instead of just wearing a track in my hardwood floors all day and night.
• Barbara Z. arrived at my door with a huge teddy bear, perfect for hugging.
• Chuck put up my pathetic little string of Christmas lights in the porch and fixed my door lock.
• Some of my coworkers showed up with wonderful soup from Whole Foods, and fruit popsicles.
• Hugh sent me DVDs of The Monkees TV series.
• Liz keeps cooking me wonderfully rich foods and driving me hither and yon. People have been so kind!