Some good news for a change

I saw the ear, nose and throat specialist again today (wonderful, wonderful doctor), and she says the CT scan of my neck shows nothing to be worried about. She examined my vocal cord again and says she thinks it's working a little better and would like to wait a while to see if the paralysis goes away on its own. Interestingly, she saw another patient recently who is undergoing cancer treatment and suddenly got a paralyzed vocal cord unconnected to the cancer, and she mused that something in the treatment must do something weird.

So I'm delighted about that, though I'm not sure how much longer I can stand not being able to drink water without choking. I nearly coughed up a lung yesterday morning as I worked my way through my gazillion morning pills. And here's something anatomically fascinating: the doc confirmed my suspicion that my recent inability to bear down -- meaning I don't have the usual oomph required to cough, shit, or get up from a lying-down position, or, I suppose, give birth -- stems from my inability to create a vacuum in my abdomen by completely closing my voice box (or something like that). Who knew?

The other question is: why did they radiate my neck if there is no cancer in my neck? I looked up side effects for neck radiation, and found out it causes the changes in taste I'm noticing -- sweet things taste bitter, for example. Apparently, the amitriptyline I'm taking for nerve pain leaves a bad taste in the mouth, too. It's not helping my appetite.

I finally gave in and bought six bottles of Ensure, chocolate flavour. The symbolism of having that meal-replacement stuff in my home is overwhelming; I associate it with imminent death. But there you go.

Anyway, I feel absolutely shitty, physically, but happy to get these results. Next step: tomorrow I'll see my oncologist and find out if anything weird showed up on my torso and brain scans.

Onward and upward....or sideways...or something.