A little better today

The past several days have been clouded with an enormous amount of acid reflux, making it very difficult to eat, and causing me to vomit. But today I have a better appetite and the food is going down a little better. I'm hoping some of this is just side effects of the radiation that will go away.

After spending a bit too much time despondently lying abed, I'm getting into my wheelchair more often and trying to do a few more things. For a while there I was really getting into the staring-into-space thing, and it's hard to say how much of that is depression and giving up and learned helplessness, and how much is just enjoying doing bugger-all at this stage in my life. I can while away quite pleasant hours just looking out the window sometimes. This morning I made myself manoeuvre the wheelchair into the bathroom to brush my teeth by myself, the most independent thing I've done in nearly three weeks.

The good news is that each time I stand up with the walker, I feel a little stronger and more confident, and I can now slide my left leg along enough to move forward with both legs going in the same direction. So I can walk after a fashion with the walker, although it's slow and unsteady, and my blood pressure has got so low that I have dizzy spells.

It will probably be another couple of weeks before there's room for me at Bridgepoint Health for more rehab. I get a little physio here most days, but not much.

The food continues to be lousy and the nursing care continues to be exemplary -- not a bad apple in the bunch. I feel well cared for on that level.

One question: will they ever remove the catheter? Am I using it just because I didn't have enough mobility to get to the bathroom, or do I have paralysis preventing me from peeing properly? Nobody seems to want to address this.

Pollyanna moments:

• My cousin Lynne visited, with great photos of her grandkids, and gave me a healing touch treatment.
• My mom is still steadfastly momming me every day (see "learned helplessness").
• I am drowning in chocolate and must call a halt to any more being brought in! Come and eat some for me! Yesterday a chocolate gave me heartburn, in fact; hope that will stop.