Encouraged

The most difficult thing for me to handle when it comes to my health is not knowing what's causing my symptoms. I'm far too controlling and self-absorbed to handle the fact that the human body simply throws more and more weirdness at us as we age, much of which will remain a mystery. If I don't understand what's happening to me, I feel anxious.

So I was relieved after my long-awaited appointment with Dr. Second yesterday, the orthopedist I last saw in February. First of all, he was still confident that he can successfully operate on my spine. More reassuring still, when I got a good look at my X-ray, taken from the side, it was really obvious why my upper back hurts so much and why I've got this ugly hump there now and why I've lost an inch and a half in height. The metal rod is still aiming skyward, but my spine has curved so far forward that it's amazing the rod hasn't come right through my skin. Any wonder I hurt so much! Still, the doctor agreed that the pain lessened a few weeks ago because the fractures healed and there is a bit less movement there. And last night I concluded that the reason I've been in more pain this past week is that I stopped taking the NSAID. I may start taking it again today. Reasons, reasons: that's what I need.

Dr. Second was in a great mood, to my surprise. In the past I've found him a bit arrogant and humourless, but then I've mostly seen him with other men around; last time Jay came with me, and there have always been young male surgical residents in the room, too. This time I was with Jocelyn, and the doc was accompanied by a female nurse practitioner. In any case, unlike all the folks at my usual hospital, who insist I can't have an MRI because of the metal in my back, he says he can take an MRI of my spine, after my radiation treatment is done; it may not be a clear picture around the rods, but he'll be able to see some parts at the top and bottom. He says he will assess the situation at that time and we can decide whether some repair is needed in my lower spine as well, which he can do at the same time (more dangerous, and it would diminish my ability to tie my own shoes) and we will decide whether to simply fuse the upper spine (pretty safe) below the neck, or to remove the broken vertebra as well (which will, oddly, restore more height, but is more complicated). He had told me before that the vertebra removal is called pedicle subtraction osteotomy; he seemed a bit reluctant about it this time, and suggested another procedure called a Smith-Peterson osteotomy, which is somehow less invasive (I don't understand how).

Depending on what he does, the surgery could be up to six hours long. He says he might not be able to do a biopsy if he doesn't do the osteotomy, so I may never know if there was cancer in my spine (he doesn't think so). He says he usually recommends patients donate their own blood in advance of surgery, but in my case it's not a good idea because of the cancer. Apparently, they also usually recycle a patient's own blood during surgery, and I won't be able to do that, either. So I'll need a big blood transfusion.

I told him I was going for a third opinion from Dr. Third in Mississauga, and he agreed that was a good idea and assured me that Dr. Third is very skilled at this, as well. So I know I've found the right doctors for the job.

The idea that I might be able to get my upper back straightened out -- for pain reasons and cosmetic reasons -- lifted my spirits. But I know too well that as often as not these procedures fix one thing and screw up something else. Still, I am going to call today and book the MRI for September and the surgery for November. I can always cancel. Dr. Second does not recommend being in a hurry to do the surgery; he wants me to be fully recovered from the cancer treatment, and says if the pain does not impede my lifestyle, I should hesitate. We'll see. At the moment, I still cannot imagine leaning over a desk for any length of time.

In the meantime, I am coughing up a storm and still feeling pretty miserable, though I'm walking better than I was on Sunday. But, based on reports from others, I have concluded that this cough is a result of allergies -- I don't usually get this in the spring, but I sometimes do in August. Once I get a post-nasal drip going, it's not long before it turns into a deep, hacking cough. And my coughs last forever without treatment. I guess I should drag myself to my family doctor.

Pollyanna moment: Diane and Jill took me to the Royal Botanical Gardens on Sunday. I had to be in the wheelchair the whole time, and didn't feel very well, but I really enjoyed the beautiful "Lilac Walk," the largest collection of lilacs in the world. It was peaceful and smelled heavenly.