A couple of days ago, a speech pathologist visited me to talk about my paralyzed vocal cord, and advised me that there are strategies for swallowing. Expecting something complicated, I asked what they were. "Turn your head down and to the right when you swallow," she replied. And it works. Not ideally, but it works, enough that I don't choke nearly so often. The food that might collect in the little pocket created by the damaged vocal cord gets pushed aside by the neck muscle and goes down better.
I have been suffering with this for three months, and have seen the ear, nose and throat doctor twice, and she couldn't have told me this?
Today the radiation doc was in, and asked me if I had been wondering about my prognosis. There is no guarantee that because the cancer is spreading in the spine so much that it will necessarily start spreading to the vital organs right away; all she would say was, "Could be three months, six months, 12 months, 18 months, two years...."
So I am not planning to save a lot more pennies.
I am oddly not afraid to die now. Probably when it gets closer, I will be. But right now I am tired of suffering, and there is much more to come.
Still, Pollyanna moments abound:
- Lovely notes and comments from blog readers I hardly know but who were kind enough to stop and write.
- Daryl's funny stories about all the characters on my beloved Highfield Road.
- So much chocolate has been coming into my hospital room!
- My mother is being a calm, towering brick, as are my siblings.
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3 comments:
Hi Cynthia,
I'm keeping up with your blog but not commenting as much as I should.
I'm so glad that your Mom is with you. Please give her my love.
I was telling a friend who suffers from a debilitating condition that in a perfect world it would be far more equitable if a small percentage of illness was allotted to all people so a few didn't have to carry such a burden. She disagreed and said that would give her nothing to aspire to but I still think I would prefer to carry my share which should be quite light all things being equal. Whatever state of health is in my future I can only hope to deal with it with just a fraction of the dignity you constantly demonstrate.
There is not a lot of news from our little corner of Ontario except that Richard and I are moving again. We've bought a house on the river here in town. The view is spectacular and the old house a decorator’s nightmare but we're looking forward to the challenge.
Love,
Becky
Cynthia,
I find it amazing that a year has passed since you found the cancer had returned. I have been tentative about commenting on your posts because what I have to say seems so trite and unhelpful in the face of what you're dealing with. But for whatever it's worth, I'm thinking of you and I'm with you in spirit.
Beck, you wouldn't find me very digified or strong if you could see me every day! As for suffering, sadly suffering comes into every life eventually, for some more, for some less, for some earlier, for some later. I've always believed that the best way to honour those who are suffering or gone is to thoroughly enjoy what you can while you have it. So have lots of fun with your new house! It sounds lovely.
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