From bad to worse

This is getting a little scary. I'm just dragging my left foot -- which feels like a block of ice -- behind me; I can't lift it up at all. My knees lock unexpectedly, and then give way without warning. I can no longer risk climbing the stairs to the second floor of my house. There's a bathroom in the basement, and those stairs are a bit easier, but still dangerous. I'm trying to confine myself to the living room and kitchen, using the walker.

Yesterday I saw my oncologist. She fetched the report from the CT scan of my lower back that was taken the other night when I went to the ER, and gave me a copy. It says clearly that there are no new lesions. Then why did the ER doctor tell me there was a new lesion? No explanation. Dr. Lee was very concerned about my symptoms, but could offer no solutions and said I have to see the orthopedic surgeon as soon as possible. I left him messages yesterday and today, laying it on as thick as I could ("I live alone! I can't use my stairs! I can't go to the bathroom!"), and nobody has responded.

Dr. Lee said they should have scanned my whole spine on New Year's Eve rather than just the lower part, and now wants to do another scan! Since each one is equal to 400 X-rays, apparently, I am not thrilled at how many of them I've been having lately.

Pollyanna moment:

• The amaryllis that Alex brought me bloomed today, lovely and peachy.
• Friends have been dropping by to wash dishes, help with laundry and fetch things from upstairs. What would I do without them? Should I be in hospital?