One damn thing after another

For many years, I suffered from sciatica, but only when I stood up; lying down and sitting brought relief. No drug ever did. Then, in early 2008, the pain in my leg went away rather suddenly and I had about two weeks of pain-free bliss. At that point (and this is probably what caused the sciatic pain to cease), my upper spine began its slow collapse and the pain between my shoulder blades began, culminating in my inability to walk a year later.

A couple of nights ago, I dared to think that maybe, just maybe -- could I even bring myself to hope? -- the radiation treatments might be working and my upper-back misery might be lessening. Was it just the medication doing its job? Was it simply wishful thinking? But wait, what was this -- a familiar sensation in my hip and leg but this time while sitting and lying down: sciatica! After nearly two years, it was like the return of a bad dream. Last night, I felt a little more certain that the upper-back pain was subsiding -- but the sciatica got worse. Then I noticed my entire right kneecap was numb.

It's now 1 a.m. and no matter what I do, I can't find a comfortable position, sitting, lying or standing. I can barely concentrate on writing these words. I'm on four different pain meds, and they're not doing a bit of good.

Why does it have to be one end of my spine or the other???

Meanwhile, getting those pills down is becoming harder and harder. Swallowing water just doesn't work, and I'm terrified of choking. I've begun coughing in the past couple of days, too, and I'm worried I'm aspirating food. My head's aching and I'm feeling thoroughly sorry for myself.

If this is the way things are going to go, maybe it's time to stop blogging!