What's next??

I no sooner arrived at my house from the hospital than I began to notice a reduction in my ability to hear in my right ear; within a couple of days it was drastic enough that if I put the phone to that ear when someone calls, I can't make out what they're saying. I also have vertigo when I wake up in the mornings, and just slightly throughout the day. Which could also be the result of meds, the paralysis in my buttocks (which means I'm never quite able to balance when sitting), the fact that I don't move while I'm sleeping, etc. Or maybe it's connected to the paralyzed vocal cord, or maybe both are related to the cancer after all. Or maybe I have an ear infection? I've also developed a sore in my mouth and slight sore throat in the past few days. Apart from the odd twinge in my head, I have no headaches. Just a feeling that the room is moving.

What next?

Dr. Noguff told me that the radiologist who read my MRI at Princess Margaret Hospital said he saw something that could be a "leptomeningeal deposit" at L4 and L5, but he wasn't certain. As far as I can determine, this animal is something that can spread to or from the brain. So I guess that's the next thing I have to get checked out.

Meanwhile, I am adjusting to being at home and only being able to get around with the walker. My brother got me a walker that has a little basket with a tray in it, including a cup holder, and that's been making a world of difference. Not being able to walk and carry things in my hands at the same time was a nuisance.

I haven't been upstairs in my own house in six weeks, but with help I can manage the basement stairs, which are shorter. I have a personal support worker coming in from government-paid home care for an hour five days a week, which is just enough to give me the help I need to take a shower in the basement bathroom (sitting on a shower chair), tidy up my living-room couch bed and empty the commode pot.

I'm trying to do exercises each day, but my shoulder blade pain is so bad sometimes that I just want to lie down. Still, there are:

Pollyanna moments:

• Matt flew out from Alberta to stay with me for five days, which gave my mom some respite, and we've had lots of fun watching movies and having laughs. And of course, Matt has been cooking and cleaning his little heart out. My appetite is much improved, even though my ability to swallow still makes it tough and slow to eat much. Still, when you have an appetite, you try harder. For the first couple of weeks in hospital, before I began taking the digestion drugs and before the radiation side effects calmed down, I could barely eat at all. (My body, when I see it naked, looks like one of those awful photos of refugee children in developing countries; so much muscle wastage because my weight loss was so rapid, a distended belly. But my hair has grown in thick and curly, so I'm not completely hideous.)
  
• We went out for dinner to one of my favourite restaurants, Gio Rana's, with a friend last Friday evening. My eyes were bigger than my stomach and we ended up taking home a doggie bag we're still eating from.
  
• Yesterday we took in a play, Cloud 9 by Caryl Churchill. To my delight, a seat in the wheelchair section was not only cheap, it was accompanied by a free ticket for Matt, which made up for the cost of getting there and back by taxi with the wheelchair. The play was not the greatest I've seen -- a little dated and uneven -- but it was very good, with superior performances by some very accomplished Canadian actors, such as Megan Follows, Ann-Marie Macdonald and Ben Carlson.