Getting horizontal

The past few days have been quite social -- lots of friends coming to the house, bringing yummy food, washing my dishes, changing my bed, etc. It would be great fun if I weren't spending most of the time on my back with a soggy hose hanging out of my armpit! And I feel silly ordering people around my kitchen: "That pot goes in the cupboard next to the sink"; "Hmmm...Can you put some cilantro in the coleslaw?"

But I can't walk very far before the back pain overwhelms me. Some days are better than others, and it depends how much codeine I take and when. Up until now, I have been fairly comfortable lying down with my head and shoulders propped on a pillow, which means I can work at my laptop, watch TV, read, etc. In recent days, however, the shoulder blade pain, which doesn't seem to respond much to drugs, torments me even in that position, until I am forced to lie completely flat on my back. In that position about all I can do is stare at the ceiling and wonder why my house cleaner didn't dust the overhead fan. Sometimes I can balance my laptop on my knees in such a way that I type precariously for a few minutes, but it's awkward.

I went to a neurosurgeon today (sort of a waste of time, but a stopgap until I can see an orthopedist), who says it looks like I have a collapsed vertebra. Whether it's caused by cancer or something else, he's not certain, but he thinks the orthopedist may suggest surgery on my spine. I have moments when I simply can't believe all of this is happening to me at once, and I fear greatly for my future, especially my ability to work. I simply have to push it all to the back of my mind. Yesterday morning I had my first really big cry in a couple of weeks; I find mornings scary these days. But there's lots to do to fill up the time (the filling out of forms continues apace, not just because of illness but because I am still quite a recent employee at my job and the company requires enrollment paperwork, too).

Pollyanna moments:

• Late on Sunday morning, a congenial rep from Bell Sympatico called me and said, "I understand there is still an unresolved issue with your wireless, and I'd like to fix it." And he did. I was impressed that Bell followed up. So now I am not being strangled by an ethernet cable while I squirm on my couch.
• Christine took me to the Bay this morning after I saw the doctor, and I was able to stand upright long enough to buy lovely new pale-green sheets at 60% off, and threw in a Godiva chocolate bar.
• My home-care nurses have been wonderful, and they cheerfully come by at the drop of a hat if I call to say my drain isn't draining.
• There are lots of opportunities to watch (or listen to) Two and a Half Men on TV every night even though I don't have cable.