Busy, busy, busy

Finding time to write has been difficult; the last couple of days have seen me running hither and yon between hospitals, lawyers and employers, trying to get a gazillion forms signed and insurance claims made. I’ve so far only made a dent in what I need to get done before my surgery. As someone has said, the paperwork alone makes cancer a full-time job. I have two employers, four possible sources of insurance, four primary-care physicians. It’s nuts.

The most frustrating thing is that, as usual, I am having lots of problems with my MacBook, which is my lifeline to the outside world. I no longer have wireless internet, and at least an hour on the phone with Sympatico each day for the past week, plus the installation of a new modem/router, has not solved the problem. As a result, my only comfortable position in which to use the computer, which is lying on my back on the couch (although that’s starting to hurt, too), now sees me getting twisted up in a tangle of cables. Crawling under desks and bending over to connect and disconnect wires has been painful. My next step is to consult Apple to see if there’s something wrong with my Airport card. I don’t know when I’ll be able to do this.

This morning I’m scheduled to see the radiation oncologist; Eileen is coming along. I have to admit I’m scared. I should be receiving the results of last week’s bone scan. The burning pain is spreading around my ribs.

I’m going to see my parents on the weekend to tell them what’s happening. I’m not looking forward to it. My father has dementia, and my mother is already under more stress than she can handle.

I had to tell my students that I would not be teaching them for the rest of the semester. I’ve been with them since September, and they’re a lovely bunch. Some of them hugged me, even one of the guys. Teaching that course is the work I love most, and I was already feeling blue because after this semester it won’t be running anymore. It was hard to leave Ryerson last night after packing up my stuff.

Time for some Pollyanna moments:

• So many people have called and emailed, and I haven’t had time to get back to most of them, but it’s lovely to know people are thinking of me, and are willing to help out. I had a hilarious phone message from Rosemary (“Rosemary of Cynthia’s team reporting in…”), and My Anh sent an email with all of the lyrics to Bob Marley’s “Don’t Worry About a Thing” (’Cause every little thing gonna be all right). Matt and his mom sent cards along with a colourful chain of tiny elephants on a string which now festoon my kitchen spice rack – I’ll never forget!
• My visit with Liz to watch the inauguration ceremonies was very pleasant – her beautiful home was the perfect setting, and she made a bang-up lobster chowder. (Could I use any more adjectives? My writing ability is going right out the window, but I don’t have time to edit.) We also watched her tape of the inauguration pop-music concert, and were just short of dancing around the room to the tunes that hailed from our youth, especially Stevie Wonder with Usher and Shakira doing “Higher Ground.” It was also inspiring to see U2 sing “Pride (In the Name of Love)” in that “I Have a Dream” location in Washington (and also to note that they have finally changed the lyric to get the time of day of Martin Luther King’s assassination correct – am I mistaken in thinking the original song got it wrong?).
• Popping in to work to pick up some things from my desk led to the opportunity to attend the annual employee cocktail party for a few minutes and a chance to see the truly lovely people I work with. Having a few laughs with them cheered me up. When I’m with people I like (and are free with their hugs), my anxiety level drops and I seem to be able to eat better. Diane came over last night and washed my dishes and made me dinner and I ate quite a bit for the first time in days. I was bolstered up for my nightly hour with the Sympatico rep!
• I met with my HR rep and found that the company is being very generous with short-term sick leave.

So…let’s see what the radiation oncologist has to say.